My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
