Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
