No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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