your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
