At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone shattered a urinal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
