either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
