So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
