I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
