i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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