around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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