yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
