Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
