I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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