We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
