Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
