she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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