By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
