Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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