wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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