you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
