Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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