We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sry I called you an 8
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
