you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize