dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
