Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
