We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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