Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
