worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
