i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
