You're my little dorito
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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