that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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