So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
