Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
