happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
