i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
