If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
