Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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