the condom got lost in my hair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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