I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
