i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Less talking, more tequila
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
