There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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