1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am puke
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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