D3 body, D1 cock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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