Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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