just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
