Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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