i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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