I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
