Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
