Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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