it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
