My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
