Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
