Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't deserve a penis
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
