I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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