My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
