Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
