And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
