stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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