you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
