Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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