Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
