oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
