I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
