You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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